For the Love of Logan Read online

  Two things, though. Cooper idolized his father—even if he acted like he didn’t. Mr. Weissman was an amazing teacher, any of the students at Dextrus would name him in their top three favorite teachers every time the question was asked. Also, Cooper was not shy about telling his friends how great his father was. Not, like, in a bragging way, that’s not the type of dude Cooper is. However, if someone said something nice about Mr. Weissman, Cooper wasn’t a normal asshole teenager who would counter the compliment with an insult in an effort to seem cool. He’d just add his own compliments. Also, Cooper was the kind of guy who humored the counselors at Dextrus. If they asked him to consider something, he would take time out to read whatever materials they gave him before making an informed decision about turning down their ideas. But, all things considered, I would put everything I had on Cooper ultimately going into education after he graduated. His father was his inspiration and hero—and he loved helping other students at Dextrus.

  “Turkey, bacon, and avocado panini and a sweet cream cold brew!” Alex announced loudly as he suddenly plopped down beside Cooper. “For my sexy ass boyfriend.”

  He whispered the last part with a smile.

  Cooper smiled, but he didn’t look up.

  “Jeez.” Alex looked over at me as he started to unwrap is own sandwich. “If that doesn’t get a guy right in the chest area.”

  “If you had called me smart or kind or warm or loving, I would have acknowledged it.” Cooper quipped. “But commenting on my physical appearance is just shallow.”

  “And you loved it.” Alex snorted.

  Cooper finally looked up. “Well, obviously. But I do have a reputation to uphold around here.”

  We all laughed.

  “Not seeing you for three whole classes has made me very sad.” Alex stuck his bottom lip out in a pout, glancing about to make sure we were still all alone. “I didn’t know if I’d survive.”

  “You are absolutely ridiculous.” Cooper admonished him playfully. “FYI – dad said if you didn’t stop making ‘predator eyes’ at me all the time he’s going to break a baseball bat over the backs of your legs.”

  Alex grimaced comically.

  “Wonder what he’d do if he knew about the things I do to you between the sheets? The nasty, depraved, disrespectful things I—” Alex waggled his eyebrows at Cooper.

  “Okay!” Cooper rolled his eyes. “We are not alone here, Alex.”

  Cooper gestured over at me, making me laugh.

  “And your dad’s pretty smart.” I added, tearing into another taco. “He’s probably figured out what you guys do in bed.”

  Both Cooper and Alex made grossed out faces before digging into their paninis. Alex and Cooper were like a unit now—barely distinguishable from each other. Okay, maybe physically they were easily distinguishable, but they had picked up a lot of each other’s mannerisms and personality traits. And they were almost unbearably adorable with each other. Gross, yes. But still adorable.

  Cooper shut the book Mrs. Haywood had given him and set it to the side before bringing his sandwich to his mouth. The three of us attacked our food but only Alex and Cooper had someone to be adorable with. I never wanted to give the impression that my two best friends—who happened to be dating each other—excluded me in any activity. Well, certain activities, of course they did alone, but they always tried to be conscious of my presence when we hung out together. When they did things that weren’t an “official” date, and we were all together, they did their best to make sure it felt like three friends just hanging out. It kind of irritated me sometimes. How could these two guys be so kind?

  Cooper and I had gone out on one date shortly after I had transferred to Dextrus. A freaking glorious date that had left me reeling for him. We’d even kissed. A lot. But afterwards, Cooper made it clear that he didn’t like me in that way. Then he suggested that I date Alex because Alex was his friend and he loved him and wanted him to be happy. I thought about that. I really did. After thinking about it, I realized that Cooper did love Alex. Really loved him. Then I realized that Alex loved Cooper in the same way. I had to spill the beans to Alex and tell him that he needed to ask Cooper to date him instead. My heart was still aching from that moment of being a good person. However, even after all of that, Alex and Cooper did their best to not make me feel weird or excluded. It was nice. But I did get annoyed with witnessing their displays of affection from time to time.

  Okay. All of the time.

  I was over my feelings for Cooper.

  Honestly.

  Well, mostly.

  All right. I was about fifty-percent there.

  But I also wanted to find my person, too. Watching Alex and Cooper making googly eyes at each other at school. Say sweet things to each other—just be in love—it was all too much at times. When we were hanging out somewhere private, like at Cooper’s or Alex’s house, and they kissed, held hands, hugged, whatever, it made me want to scream. Not that I wasn’t happy that my two best friends at Dextrus had found love, but why couldn’t I?

  “Do you want my chips?” Cooper asked me, holding out the bag of tortilla chips that came with his sandwich.

  “Sure.” I accepted the bag from him.

  “No offense, Logan—but why didn’t you give them to me?!” Alex acted offended.

  “I’ll give you something later.” Cooper winked at him.

  Alex beamed, full of anticipation.

  I wanted to scream.

  “Where are Martin, A.J., and Caden?” I glanced around trying to move the conversation away from their sex life. “They’re usually here by now.”

  Cooper snorted. Alex brayed loudly.

  “What?” I frowned.

  “All three of them are serving lunch detention.” Alex snickered.

  “Why?”

  “Because A.J. convinced those other two morons to streak through Manning Hall during a freshman algebra class first period.” Cooper rolled his eyes. “Mr. Freeslay completely lost his mind. People said they heard him sputtering and screaming over at Rouston Hall.”

  “What?!” I laughed nervously.

  “They weren’t completely nude.” Cooper rolled his eyes again. “I mean, they kept their underwear on. Those idiots couldn’t even do that right.”

  “Babe.” Alex frowned at him. “No one wants to see them naked, so that was really a blessing.”

  Cooper laughed.

  I thought about how I wouldn’t have minded seeing them naked. Well, any guy, really. When you’re getting absolutely no action, you’ll take just about anything that’s handed to you. No pun intended. Or, maybe fully intended.

  “A.J. probably just wanted to see Martin and Caden’s junk.” Alex snorted.

  “Isn’t that just a slightly less politically incorrect way of screaming ‘GAAAAAAY’, Alex?” Cooper cocked an eyebrow at him.

  “Oh. My. God.” Alex held his head back dramatically. “Can you stop trying to make me a good person?”

  Cooper smiled crookedly at Alex.

  “So…they streaked through an algebra class in their underwear and all they got was Friday lunch detention?” I asked, shoving the last bite of taco into my mouth. “I mean, it seems like something that might result in a suspension or something?”

  Alex laughed.

  “What?”

  “This is Dextrus.” Cooper explained for his boyfriend again. “You should know by now that ‘boys will be boys’ has been the motto since the day they opened this place. Legacies can do whatever the hell they want.”

  “Hey.” Alex frowned at him.

  Cooper looked at him for a moment.

  “I stand by my statement.” Cooper shrugged.

  “This legacy has never done anything like that.” Alex stated defensively, though he couldn’t help but smile at Cooper.

  I watched them “arguing” as couples do. Even when they were irritated with each other, it wasn’t true irritation. They were the type of couple that adored each other too much to get truly mad at each
other over something so unimportant. I wanted that. I wanted some guy to vaguely insult me and have that insult make me want to throw him down and…do things to him. I wanted to look a guy in the eyes and feel love for every part of him. I wanted to sit with someone and just be myself and feel them accept me in spite of all of it—or because of all of it. I just wanted to be loved.

  Everything about…everything…made me so angry. And depressed. And anxious. Everything made me feel every emotion. I just wanted to be a gay teenage guy who was about to go off to college—probably—and have a boyfriend and fun and excitement and love and sex and every other normal teenage experience. I wanted to be open and honest about who I was and how I lived my life. And I wanted someone to love me in spite of or because of all of it. My heart hurt when I thought to myself: “Is that so much to ask?”

  “Logan?” Cooper waved a hand in my face.

  I snapped out of my reverie to find Alex laughing and Cooper looking mildly concerned.

  “Sorry.

  “Are we all still on for movies tonight?” Cooper asked. “You and Alex forcing me to watch action movies that I’m pretty sure you both watch more for the tight costumes than the, er, plot?”

  “Babe.” Alex leaned in and grumbled.

  Cooper rolled his eyes.

  “Yes, Alex.” He stated in a monotone. “They’re all wonderful movies and I’m a jerk for not acknowledging that. I love them because we watch them together and that’s all that really matters.”

  Alex laughed.

  “Um, yeah, I think so.” I muttered.

  I didn’t know if I could spend another Friday evening with Alex and Cooper, watching movies, being the fifth wheel while they snuggled and argued whenever one of them stole popcorn from the other’s bowl.

  “You’ll just end up doing your homework anyway.” Alex snorted, then turned to me. “Am I right or what?”

  “That’s usually how it goes.” I agreed.

  “It keeps me from complaining about the movies, doesn’t it?” Cooper shrugged.

  “Well, after the movies is my favorite part anyway.”

  Cooper shoved Alex away with a laugh.

  Lunch was coming to an end at just the right time. I stood and gathered my trash and Alex and Cooper followed my lead. We all went to the bins together and tossed out our trash, recyclables, deposited our straws in the proper bin for washing, and accepted the fact that we all had more classes. Alex and Cooper whispered a few sweet nothings to each other while they had the opportunity before Alex said his “goodbyes” and dashed off towards his next class. Cooper turned to me, rolled his eyes comically in a “he’s a pain in my ass but I love him” type way.

  “Let’s see if we can figure out how to diagnose him.” Cooper teased as we headed towards AP Psychology.

  “I think we’ll need a few more semesters.” I joked.

  “So, what’s your problem today?” Cooper asked, draping an arm over my shoulders as we walked. “You don’t seem like yourself, bromo.”

  Having Cooper’s arm around my shoulders made me feel things in my gut that I knew were wrong. And, honestly, it mostly wasn’t because it was Cooper’s arm—it was just that a guy was actually showing me physical affection. God, I needed a boyfriend. Quick.

  I shrugged. “Just one of those days, I guess.”

  “How’s your sister doing?” Cooper leaned in and whispered as we walked.

  “She’s good.” I smiled, thinking of my sister. “She’s upset you haven’t been by in a week, ya’ know.”

  Cooper smiled warmly.

  “Well, you tell Kaitlyn that I’ll come over this weekend and we’ll hang out.” Cooper chuckled. “I got her a new book we can read together.”

  Cooper was the only person at Dextrus—even considering the teachers and administration—who even knew I had a sister, let alone her name or anything about her. He was the only person I felt I could talk to about her or anything about my family. And, like most things, Cooper was a freaking saint when it came to my sister—and to listening to me talk about her. It was yet another reason why Cooper was my best friend and made me feel inappropriate things about him from time to time.

  “Maybe you could bring her to watch the first movie with us tonight?” Cooper suggested evenly, his hand squeezing my shoulder. “We’ll make sure it’s kid-friendly. Alex won’t mind.”

  “No.”

  “Okay.” Cooper didn’t fight me.

  I stopped in the hall and Cooper stopped as well, turning to face me.

  “I just…I don’t…” I was chewing at my cheek. “I don’t want Alex to…”

  “He wouldn’t.” Cooper said. “But I understand. It’s okay.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  My eyes went to my feet.

  “For what?” Cooper laughed warmly. “She’s your sister, broseph. You have every right to feel the way you feel. And it was just a suggestion. If you don’t think bringing her over is right, then I trust you. But, tell her that I miss her.”

  “Why are you so kind?” I looked up at him.

  “You shut your whore mouth.” Cooper winked.

  We both laughed.

  Cooper’s arm went back around my shoulder as we continued on our way.

  My stomach did a few somersaults.

  We continued down the hallway to AP Psychology.

  Chapter 2

  Mom’s liftgate on her Tahoe was up and the garage was open when I parked my Prius at the end of the driveway. I shut my car off, strapped my bookbag on and walked over to mom’s SUV. There were a few bags still in the back, so I grabbed them and closed the liftgate. I carried the bags through the garage to the door leading inside and hit the button to close the garage. Once inside, I could hear my mom in the kitchen, obviously talking to my sister. When I entered the kitchen, mom’s shopping bags in tow, I smiled at the pleased squeal and prepared myself for a full-frontal assault.

  Kaitlyn ran at me, full speed, and leapt. Somehow, I managed to place the bags on the kitchen counter and catch my younger sister with my left arm, cradling her against my torso. Kaitlyn’s arms went around my neck, where she buried her face gleefully. Mom looked over at the two of us, a wide smile overtaking her face. Kaitlyn hugged me so tightly that I thought I would choke, but it still made me smile. Mom’s face looked like it would split—like it always did when Kaitlyn hugged me after school.

  “LOGAN!” Kaitlyn squealed in my ear. “I MISSED YOU ALL DAY!”

  Kaitlyn pulled her face out of my neck to announce loudly, directly into my face.

  “I missed you for eight whole hours, Katie.” I smiled at her, holding her against me.

  “Did you see Cooper?!” She asked, just like she always asked.

  “Of course.” I replied.

  “Did he say he missed me?”

  “Obviously.” I nodded. “He always misses you.”

  “He hasn’t been over in forever!” Kaitlyn rolled her eyes. “When is he coming to see me?”

  “He said he’s coming over this weekend.” I looked at her with big, excited eyes. “And he has a new book to read with you.”

  Katie clapped her hands and shimmied down my body to run off towards her room. Obviously, she had to go tell all of her “friends” about this development with Cooper. Her friends are her stuffed animals and dolls. Like me before I started Dextrus, Kaitlyn doesn’t have a lot of friends. Kids with Downs usually struggle to find a peer group that doesn’t include just other Downs kids.

  “You look handsome as ever.” My mom said, making me smile, but also roll my eyes.

  “Stawp.” I waved her off.

  “How was school, baby boy?” She asked as I went to the fridge for a soda.

  I shrugged.

  “That good, huh?”

  “I mean…it’s school, I guess.” I grabbed a soda and closed the fridge before turning to her. “It’s…Dextrus.”

  She laughed.

  “Get over it, shithead.” She teased me. “You have five months left.”r />
  “I know, I know.”

  “And Cooper is there.” She waggled her head, teasing me harder.

  “Oh. My God. Mom!” I frowned.

  “What?” She gave me a challenging look.

  “Where’s dad?” I looked around.

  She rolled her eyes.

  “Don’t worry.” She whispered melodramatically. “He won’t be home for hours.”

  “Okay.”

  “So…how is Cooper?”

  “Can you not say his name like that?” I frowned. “I mean…just stop it. You know that bothers me.”

  “Fine.” She put her hands on her hips, then changed her voice to a monotone. “How is Cooper?”

  “I don’t know if that’s any better.”

  She just looked at me.

  “He’s fine.” I shrugged. “Cooper and Alex are fine.”

  It was her turn to frown.

  “Are you seriously still that upset?”

  I shrugged.

  “I don’t know what I am, mom.”

  The weight of that statement made my gut feel cold.

  “Logan…”

  I waved her off.

  “What are we having for dinner?” I changed the subject.

  “It’s Friday night.” She snorted.

  “Who’s turn is it?” I squinted at her.

  “Kaitlyn’s.”

  I looked around to make sure my sister hadn’t walked back into the room and would hear me.

  “Shit.” I sighed.

  Mom laughed. “Fish sticks and tater tots.”

  I groaned. My sister loved, I mean loved fish sticks and tater tots. Every Friday, everyone in the family took turns picking what we’d have for family dinner. Mom was into Indian takeout lately. Dad liked any meat and potatoes meal. I liked pizza or Chinese food. Katie always always always picked fish sticks and tater tots. She’d been doing it for three years solid and there were no signs that that would let up anytime soon. The entire family dreaded Kaitlyn’s Friday nights. Of course, we didn’t tell her that. When she was around, we loved fish sticks and tater tots, too.