Jacob Michaels Is Not Jacob Michaels (A Point Worth LGBTQ Paranormal Romance Book 3) Read online

  I didn’t care how.

  Ernst and I were safe. For the moment. I didn’t want to drop my hand. The wolves needed to think that I knew what I had done, how I had done it, and that I was willing to do it again. They needed to believe that what I had done was very simple for me to do over and over again. Wolves that wanted to attack me didn’t need to know that I felt woozy but also energized. I felt…alive. The desire to burn all three wolves until they were nothing but ash in front of me filled me up, made my heart beat faster, but not from fear. I wanted to see them as scared of me as I had been of them.

  I wanted pain.

  Shaking my head clear of those thoughts, grimacing at the very idea of wanting to bring down pain and destruction, I glared at the lead wolf. He glared back, but he was slowly inching away as the other half-burnt wolf yipped and whimpered behind him. The wolf leader and I kept our eyes on each other as he backed up until he was alongside the fallen, crispy wolf before he finally bent down to break eye contact with me. He bit into the fallen wolf’s neck fur and started to drag the unconscious wolf towards the woods. Slowly, still keeping my eyes on the one-and-a-half wolves still on their feet, I rose from the ground as well, keeping Ernst firmly against me, and my other hand outstretched towards the wolves. As they backed off towards the woods, the leader dragging the unconscious wolf and the other limping and whimpering, I inched back towards the house.

  Nearly stumbling, the heel of my foot found the steps up to Oma’s house, so I finally lowered my hand and turned. Racing up the steps, I slung the door open and delivered both Ernst and myself to the safety of the kitchen once again. Immediately, I slammed the door shut behind us and locked every lock on the door. I fell to my knees on the linoleum floor and released Ernst from my grasp, placing him to stand on the floor before me as I knelt there. Ernst stood there, staring at me with wide eyes as I laid my too large hands on his shoulders. My hands covered both of his shoulders and part of his neck. He was so small, and he had put himself between the wolves and me.

  “What were you thinking, Ernst?” I shook my head, terrified of what could have happened. “You could have gotten yourself killed!”

  “Me?” He scoffed, though he looked more worried than anything. “Ya’ almos’ got yourself killed, sir!”

  I pulled one hand away from him to place it against my forehead, my eyes closing as I did my best to slow my heart.

  “Are ya’ awright, sir?”

  Taking a shaky breath, I did my best to nod as I squeezed Ernst’s shoulder gently with my other hand.

  “I’m fine.”

  That’s what I meant to say. Instead, I said it roughly twenty times, as though trying to convince myself that everything was just fine.

  I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.

  “Sir?” Ernst squeaked. “Ya’ are covered in mud, sir.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded, my eyes shut tightly. “I know.”

  “Le’s go get ya’ cleaned up, sir.”

  “What was that, Ernst?” I shook my head as a shiver overtook my body. “Were those…”

  “Werewolves?” He squeaked out. “If I were ta put muh money on it…aye, sir.”

  “The moon isn’t full.” I shivered again.

  The mud and muck that had caked on the back of me felt cold and gritty and crackly and did nothing to make me feel better kneeling there in Oma’s kitchen. If I had been so inclined, I was sure that I could have peeled the mud off in one big frozen piece. I felt stiff and woozy…and alive.

  “What did I do?” I asked, my eyes finally opened to peer into Ernst’s exaggerated wide-eyed face. “What happened? How did I do…that?”

  “I wouldn’t be knowin’, sir.” He shook his head ever so slightly.

  “I know.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Ernst. It’s just—”

  I placed a hand on his head. A jolt went through me, memories flashing through my head rapidly. A fleeting glimpse of a past long since forgotten.

  I was young. Ernst and I were sitting on my bed, reading a book. Ernst and I washing dishes together. Ernst and I jumping out and startling another of the Kobolds—Lena maybe?

  Gasping, I yanked my hand away from Ernst and stared at him, aghast. My hands went to the side of my head again as I rose to my feet and stumbled away from him backward, my eyes shutting tightly, as though that would block out the things in my head. I shook my head and gasped for breath as the memories fluttered through my head like a film reel flapping to an end, slapping against a projector.

  Slap. Slap. Slap.

  “Stop it!” I growled, slapping my hands against the side of my head.

  Suddenly, it felt as though something went through me, from the top of my head down to my feet. I felt empty. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I heard a giggle.

  Did you see that?

  “What?” I gasped.

  Then the memories were gone. I opened my eyes as my hands cautiously slid from the sides of my head. Ernst was standing in front of me, wringing his hands and looking up at me; concern etched all over his face. Suddenly and inconceivably, I suddenly missed Lucas. The longing to see him felt like a cord pulling my stomach downwards. When was the last time I had seen him? I wanted desperately to hold him, to kiss him, to have him hold and kiss me.

  “What is it, sir?” He whispered.

  “Ernst.” I swallowed again. “I have something I need to do. I need you to check to make sure Oma is okay. Check on the other…your kin.”

  “I can do tha’, sir.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  Stepping away from where I had backed up against the counter, I made my way around Ernst and across the kitchen.

  “I’m going to…go clean up,” I said neutrally. “I’ll…I’ll see you in the morning. Um, later today.”

  But Ernst was gone. He had disappeared into the shadows to, presumably, check on the other Kobolds and, hopefully, Oma. As I stood in the kitchen, still shivering, I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t pop my head into Oma’s room to make sure she was okay, to see that she was fine for myself. However, I somehow knew she was safe and fast asleep. If something had happened to Oma, I probably would have heard her cussing and carrying on. Instead of checking in on my grandmother, trusting that Ernst would do as he promised, I made my way through the house to the stairs. I needed to strip off my muddy clothes and clean myself off. Once inside of my room again, I grabbed my cell phone, and with shaky hands, shot off a text.

  Twenty minutes later, I was clean and in fresh pajamas, quietly opening the front door of the house. Lucas was standing on the front porch, still in his pajamas but with a Carhartt coat thrown on over them, bleary-eyed, hair standing up in all directions. I could tell that he had tried to pat it down to look more presentable but had failed miserably. Even his mussed hair made my heart leap. I quickly ushered him inside, closing the door behind him swiftly but quietly before locking it again. Lucas stood in the foyer, looking at me quizzically as I locked the door.

  “Come over right now but be super careful?” He cocked an eyebrow at me. “What’s goin’ on, babe?”

  “I just…” I turned to stare at him.

  “Are you okay, Rob?” He looked as concerned as I would have expected after having received such a desperate, cryptic text at one o’clock in the morning.

  “No.” I shivered again.

  Then Lucas’ arms were pulling me into him. I folded my arms in so that he was hugging all of me against his chest. As soon as my body connected with his, I felt that feeling again. It was that feeling of being alive and powerful—just like when I had burned the wolves. Something that I felt had been missing, something that had once made me feel like Robert Wagner, something I hadn’t even known was missing, was back for the briefest of moments. Before I could stop myself, I had pried my arms out from between our bodies and placed my hands on either side of his head. My lips found his, and I kissed him desperately, as though I were a man lost in a desert and his lips were water. Lucas gasped in shock, yet apprec
iatively, as I fed at his mouth. His arms pulled me tightly into him as I kissed him passionately, needing to taste him.

  “Rob.” He gave a nervous laugh as I pulled away from his mouth.

  “I missed you,” I said.

  “You missed me?”

  “Desperately.” I felt my eyes water, but no tears fell. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. I don’t know why.”

  “Does it matter?” He whispered against my mouth.

  “No.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  “I need to have sex with you,” I said, feeling that surge of power zip through my body again. “Right now. Can you do that? Can you make me feel better right now?”

  “Right here?” He smiled wickedly.

  “In my room.” I jerked my head towards the stairs. “Now.”

  “Okay.”

  Moments later, we were a flurry of arms and fingers, tongues and lips, stumbling into my room together. My hands were doing their best to push Lucas’ coat off of him and rip his shirt off over his head as he did his best to both shut the door as gently as possible and push me towards the bed. We fell onto the bed as one, a little too roughly, though my body told me not to worry if we woke Oma. I needed to feel every part of Lucas, have him feel every part of me, to forget about what had just happened less than thirty minutes prior in the backyard. I didn’t want to think about wolves with red glowing eyes and flames shooting out of my hand. Lucas and his body were all I cared about at that moment.

  Lucas gasped in delight as I flipped him onto his back on the bed and planted a knee on either side of his hips and leaned down to smother his mouth with mine. I ground my pelvis into his, grabbed one of his wrists in each hand and held him down, taking control of him. When I pulled my mouth away, his mouth tried to find mine again, but I held back, smiling wickedly down at him as he did his best to keep kissing me.

  “Please, Rob.” He pleaded.

  Giving him another, fleeting, yet passionate kiss, making him groan once again, I slid down his body, kissing a trail to lower places. Muffled groans and whimpers filled the air as I did my best to bring Lucas to the brink with my lips and tongue as he twisted my hair in his fists. When I released him, I shimmied up his body again, presenting myself to his lips. Lucas accepted me eagerly as I braced my hands against the wall over the headboard, groaning in desperation as he returned the favor. Before either of us could fall over the edge, Lucas released me and we were ripping our pajama pants the rest of the way off. From seemingly nowhere, Lucas produced a condom, smiling hungrily up at me as he tore the wrapper open and slid it onto me. Then I was yanking his legs onto my shoulders and positioning myself against him. Lucas wrapped his arms around my neck, his eyes pleading with me to do the thing we both needed so desperately.

  When we were both spent, my body on top of his, our lips and tongues dancing once more, I felt like Rob again. There were no flashing memories or incorporeal whispers or surges of power through my body. All I could feel was myself still inside of Lucas, his arms around my neck, his lips on mine, and a kind of sleepiness I hadn’t felt in days. I was barely able to extract my body from Lucas’ so that he could turn on his side and I could wrap myself around him. As I drifted off, feeling as though I couldn’t stay conscious even if I had wanted, Lucas whispered to me.

  “I still love you, Rob.”

  Chapter 2

  “You buried the lead, babe.” Lucas was shaking his head as we stood at the edge of the woods behind Oma’s house. “I mean, I never want to turn down making love with you, but you could have told me about the wolves before.”

  Chewing at my lip, I glanced into the woods before turning my eyes back to Lucas. The sun was barely up, so I didn’t know why we were. Lucas was standing before me, in his pajamas and Carhartt again—the only clothes he had brought when he came over—watching me skeptically. Not that I could blame him for his skepticism, of course. Three wolves the size of…well, really big wolves…with glowing red eyes attacking me in Oma’s backyard was hard to believe. The fact that I didn’t feel like I could tell him about “Teenage Ghost Rob” and Ernst made the whole thing even more difficult. I certainly wasn’t going to explain to him how fire had shot out of my hand and hurt one-and-a-half wolves, either. An abridged version of events was relayed—three enormous wolves tried to attack me, and I ran for the safety of the house.

  “I was…my head wasn’t right after that.” I gave a half shrug and shook my head softly. “I was scared and confused, and I didn’t know what to do, Lucas.”

  He reached out and pulled me into a quick hug. He pressed his lips to mine softly before pulling away again.

  “And I didn’t think you’d believe me.” I sighed, looking towards the woods again. “I still kind of don’t.”

  “Babe.” He frowned at me, though he didn’t put his heart into it. “Of course, I believe you. It’s just…odd, I guess.”

  Nodding down at the ground, I couldn’t help but snort in disbelief at his skepticism for my story. Lucas looked down at the paw print the size of a human hand in the drying mud at our feet.

  “I mean, obviously there was at least one huge wolf.” He stated sheepishly.

  “You don’t believe me, do you?” The frown was unstoppable.

  “Rob,” He sighed, “I’m not going to say it again—I believe you—I’m just processing the whole thing, babe. I mean, this is just crazy, even though there was clearly a wolf here. Three huge wolves wandered up into Mrs. Wagner’s backyard and tried to make you a nummy little treat? I’m wondering if we need to tell Sheriff Dennard so he can notify…I don’t know…wildlife management or something? Who deals with this kind of thing? If wolves are wandering out of the woods—which wolves being around here is crazy enough—but if they’re wandering out trying to attack people so close to their homes, that’s a real problem. I don’t know what to do in a situation like this. That’s all. Okay?”

  “Okay.” A feeling of relief washed over me. “Lucas, I feel like I haven’t seen you in years. Even now, here in front of me, where I can look into your eyes, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

  Lucas’ brow furrowed as he stared back. He was chewing at his lip.

  “That’s weird, right?”

  “I guess.” He looked towards the woods.

  “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “I’m glad you’re here.” He replied. “So much.”

  Swallowing hard, choking back the feeling of loss, like a rock in my gut, I turned to look into the woods with him. There was nothing there but trees and deeper woods peeking through the leafless trees. Spring was coming. Everything felt electric, as though life was excited to push through and make itself known, to announce its presence to the world. I could practically feel the ground and everything around me vibrating with unfulfilled potential. It felt like an energy I hadn’t felt in a long time. It made me feel powerful. But also sad. Something I had no name for was missing. I just knew it.

  “I—and don’t make fun of me—but I think they were werewolves.” I spat it out, knowing that if I hesitated, I would stop myself.

  Lucas turned, aghast.

  I shrugged.

  “I mean, they…look, their eyes looked kind of like Andrew’s…that night,” I explained. “They were glowing red, and they looked, I don’t know, intelligent. Not just like wolves looking for a nummy little treat, okay? They had this look in their eyes that they knew exactly what they were trying to do. They were organized and stealthy, and if…if I hadn’t run so fast, I guess…”

  Lucas wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into him, side to side, standing there, looking out into the woods. Why wasn’t I explaining to him about Ernst and Teenage Ghost Rob?

  “It’s just all so strange,” Lucas stated neutrally.

  “Yeah.” I agreed. “Why do I feel so…”

  Lucas let go of me and turned to watch me as I stared out at the woods.

  “What is it, babe?”

  “Right
now,” My teeth were gnawing at my lip again, “I miss you.”

  Lucas just stared.

  “Why is that?” I asked, turning to him, my eyes pleading for an answer. “You know how someone comes home from a long trip, and you pick them up at the airport, and it feels like days or even a week have to pass before it feels like they’re not still gone? Like you can’t believe that you finally have them back? That’s how I feel right now. I’m settling into the feeling of having you back in my life.”

  The face I was presented with by Lucas was impassive. Not knowing quite what to make of his hesitation to respond to my, admittedly, odd statement, I reached down and took his hand. Lucas’ fingers reflexively laced through mine, though his eyes didn’t meet mine. They stayed focused on the woods beyond us. Lucas’ eyes looked as though they were focused on something that only he could see, that he wasn’t going to share with me. It should have bothered me; it should have made me grab him and shake him and demand that he tell me what was on his mind. Instead, all I could think about was how glad I was that he was there. Only a few days had passed since I wasn’t even sure that I wanted a guy in my life and now I found myself wanting nothing more than to have Lucas by my side.

  All I could think about, besides how good it felt to have Lucas’ hand in mine, to have him standing there with me, was memories. After my encounter with my ghostly teenage self, I had remembered…something. I had remembered a lot of somethings. My subconscious was a niggling voice in the back of my innermost self, telling me that if I could remember them, pieces would fall into place. Something…or somethings…very important had been lost to me, and I needed to remember them. Closing my eyes, I found myself wishing that by touching Lucas’ hand, I might remember something about him like I had when I touched Ernst.

  Nothing.

  “That’s weird, right?” My voice was soft and didn’t match my conviction. “The fact that I’m even explaining how I feel to you—that I feel compelled to share this with you…it’s all just weird.”

  “Rob,” he said, “you’re just rattled from last night.”